I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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