My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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