Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
