guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
