He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
