He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
