you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
