I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
