OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
