Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize