Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
