we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
