What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
