Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love having hate sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dick very happy bro
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
