Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
