yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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