i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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