we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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