Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize