In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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