I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
