Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
