Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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