Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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