I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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