In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
