For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
