Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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