my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
