i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
