He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
