Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
