i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
