you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize