I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
