He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
