There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
kristin has been a bad kristin
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
