Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize