At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
