Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
