He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
