he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
