I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
