I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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