singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
