I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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