I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
