My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize