I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
