My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
