As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Let's paint friendship bongs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
