how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize