They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
