I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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