My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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