i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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