he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize