i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
