Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
