I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize