By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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