Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
