every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
