doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
