He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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