Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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