How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize