so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i've created a new STD.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
