It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
