awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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