He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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