I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
